Some Southern Tips for Dr. Dean

Dr "I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for" Dean apparently wants to do what he can to win back the Southern States for the Demorats. Yes, I know, this is the same party that keeps calling us Southerners (always capitalized!) right wing wacko Rednecks, among other slurs. So, I humbly offer my advice on how he can woo the South.

  • Our quarter million dollar combines are much more impressive then your fancy, expensice, foreign car. We also only drive them 2 weeks a year
  • Remember that hunting season is an official holiday
  • Fishing trumps everything
  • Slurring our women is a capital offense
  • Highway 95 also goes back North. 40 goes west. Piss us off, and we will be happy to show you the way out.
  • Bar-B-Q is a noun, not a verb. If you aren’t sure what the difference is, ask, and any good ol’ boy will go out of his way to show you the difference
  • Shagging is mandetory
  • Do not insult NASCAR.
  • People walk and talk slower here. And we like it that way
  • Remeber: "he needed killin" is a viable defense.
  • You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you’re better off trying to find it yourself.

Next, remember that speech is different down here. "Big ol’" is a good phrase to pick up. Y’awl is one word. Do not say "you all." We un’s will just bust a gut. Howdy is an acceptable greeting. "Reckon" is a word. So is ‘fixin. Learn them well, my young apprentice. Finally, a good yell is always in order. You’ve got that one down.

Update: Perhaps I should have included Charlie Rangel in this, since he thinks that everyone from Arkansas is a redneck.

Save $10 on purchases of $49.99 & up on our Fruit Bouquets at Promo Code: FRUIT49
If you liked my post, feel free to subscribe to my rss feeds.

Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed

4 Responses to “Some Southern Tips for Dr. Dean”

  1. janette says:

    My yankee sister-in-law always makes fun of the way I talk. Of course my drawl always gets thicker when she’s around. I don’t see how “ya’ll” is any worse than “you’se guys.”

    I hope Dr. Dean spends a lot of time in the Red States, now that football season is over we need a new hobby.

  2. Yup. No hockey, couple months till baseball starts. Same thing happens to me regarding the drawl when I visit my folks in Jersey.

    The only thing I can give Dean is that he is honest in his insanity, not a pretender like Hillary or Kerry.

  3. Jeremy says:

    3 people = y’all
    2 people = y’all
    1 person = y’all (WTF?)
    20 people – All y’all

    Taken almost word for word off of a Virginia state lottery commercial. No foolin’.

  4. see, we be learnin ya 🙂

Pirate's Cove