Grist Not Particularly Happy About The Sales Of Taco Bell Doritos Tacos

Why is Grist’ Jess Zimmerman not happy? Because they make us fat, and if we’re fat, we kill Gaia with CO2. No, that conclusion is not mentioned, but, having read Grist for a long time, that is the only conclusion

If you want to know where the country’s obsession with recursive fast food comes from, look within. Chances are, you will find a Doritos Locos taco. If you don’t, look within the guy next to you, because SOMEBODY has been buying 100 million of these things over the last 10 weeks. It’s now Taco Bell’s most popular product launch ever.

I have complained before about the current trend of inventing new junk foods by nesting existing ones inside one another like some kind of hideous fast-food Turducken. (In fact, I’ve used that exact line, but “Turducken” is an inherently funny word/concept, so you get it again.) But I have to admit, it works. 100 million tacos! To put it in perspective, that’s three for every resident of Canada. Or it would be, except that Canada has too much self-respect.

The worst part is, apparently these tacos don’t even taste good. I haven’t eaten one — I did try to get the Grist office to do a test run, partly for humor value and partly to make me feel better about working from home, but for some reason they refused — but something definitely happens to your mouth or brain at some point in your 20s to make Doritos stop tasting good. And according to a Grist List writer who is not me (I’m being vague so as not to embarrass her; you’re welcome, Sarah), they just taste like extra-salty tacos anyway. So basically, it’s a normal-tasting taco that is specially engineered to cover your hands in indelible gunk. You might as well just eat a taco and then rob a bank or pet a squid or something.

So, she says they don’t taste good (and are Evil), but hasn’t had one. But, they’re killing Gaia. Funny thing is, Doritos are popular with people above 30. But, I do have to agree with her assumption on the taste. They’re rather bland. It’s like eating a very slightly flavored taco, and, as I said in the comments over at Grist, if you don’t eat it quick, it’ll be a very soggy very slightly flavored taco. I’ve had them a few times as part of their “$5 box”, and tend to bring them home or back to the break room, and eat it last. Soggy.

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9 Responses to “Grist Not Particularly Happy About The Sales Of Taco Bell Doritos Tacos”

  1. Kevin says:

    Why do people complain about what other people eat/drink/do with their lives?

  2. Because Other People could kill Gaia. And then the complainer heads off to a Manhattan style cocktail party in their Suburban.

    Progressives always tell us they want government and other people out of their bedrooms, but are always will to interfere with everyone elses lives.

  3. Kevin says:

    And that sums up why I don’t like ’em 🙂

  4. Gumball_Brains says:

    Here’s my question (knowing that Kevin’s question will never be, and can never be intellectually\logically answered)…

    What the *&$# is “recursive fast food”????

    Are we just making up words to try and make “fast food” sound scarier than it already is?

    “recursive”… does that mean the food actually starts at the anus and goes up?

    Or, are they suggesting that you can’t eat just one… you get stuck in a repeating loop and are incapable of stopping at one item? Or, are they suggesting that it is a gateway taco? You may start out with the Dorito chip, but then that solves for Taco which forces Burrito which solves for Nacho Grande that….. .. …

    dang. I’m hungry.

  5. Heh! Hadn’t thought about that. First you have a Doritos taco, and eventually you have to have the heroin infused taco.

  6. Gumball_Brains says:

    as long as its not over 16ozs.. I don’t see the problem.

  7. Heh. I just heard that TB is going to come out with upscale foods next month. That should make the liberals even more nuts.

  8. Gumball_Brains says:

    You mean, they are going to start offering real food?

  9. Well, food like.

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