Hand Sanitizer Makes You An Evil Conservative

This should be good

Just standing next to a bottle of hand sanitizer brings out the conservative in people, a Cornell University study has found.

And just looking at a reminder to wash your hands can bring out the sexual puritan, according to the research in the journal Psychological Science.

You know this is going somewhere bad, right?

Helzer and Dr. David Pizarro first asked 53 random students three demographic questions, including how they rated themselves, from extremely conservative to extremely liberal. The students who stood next to a hand sanitizer reported themselves as more conservative — morally, socially and fiscally — than the ones who stood next to a blank wall.

Students exposed to the purity reminder were disgusted by sexual situations — a couple having sex on a grandmother’s bed, for example — but not by other questionable behaviour — putting a colleague’s lunch in a sterilized bedpan or spreading a dog’s ashes in a neighbourhood sandbox.

“We know in previous studies that conservatives had more concern for purity and were more disgust-sensitive to sexual things,” said Helzer. “Why that’s the case, it’s not clear.”

So, there you have it: if you are concerned with cleanliness, you are some sort of sick prude conservative who thinks having sex on grandma’s bed is a Bad Idea, while, if you couldn’t care less if your hands are filthy, covered with bacteria, germs, snot, Ebola, Bubonic Plague, you are open to any type of wild monkey love and a forward thinker. And we all know that Conservative=bad.

And, consider, using hand sanitizer in schools and public buildings might actually be unconstitutional, because “cleanliness is next to Godliness,” and that violates the separation of church and state.

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One Response to “Hand Sanitizer Makes You An Evil Conservative”

  1. Trish says:

    Well, I sure didn’t wanna have sex on grandmas bed till she got up at least!
    And I do like a bit of hand sanitizer or soap and water, after fishing, canoeing, going to a petting zoo at our local park, and other pastimes where my hands may come in contact with germs and fish guts.
    How does this behavior make me an obvious conservative rather than a person with an ounce of common sense? And how many in the study at Cornell do you think were actually conservatives?
    Tell ya what, Cornell ought to save the money on further studies on ANY subject and stop over analyzing shit. And tell the dirty hippies to wash up, or we’ll spray ’em with Purell!

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