Do It Yourself Checkout For Dummies

More and more in our society, we are having self checkout. We have long had self service at gas stations down here. It is hard to find full service. We have self checkout at WalMart’s, Lowe’s and the libraries. And, of course, supermarkets. It hasn’t caught on so much in the Northeast, like it has down here in the South, but, with so many Northerners moving south, they need a few hints and some simple rules

Hints:

  1. Consider it to be like an express checkout. If you have more then 15, 20 items tops, find a regular checkout.
  2. Don’t be scared of it. It is really easy. I know it was a bit of “how the hell do you do this?” first time I saw it down near Wild Dunes in South Carolina
  3. Look at the screen. Follow what it says.
  4. Slide the item across scanner. Don’t freak if it doesn’t beep. The scanner is probably not all that clean.
  5. Don’t ask what is on the scanner. No, really. Don’t.
  6. Put in bag
  7. Pick how you want to pay.
  8. Pay

Rules

  1. Wait your turn in line. Or, in some cases, wait your fucking turn in line, you SOB! Don’t just jump up in front of people who are waiting. If it is one of those with 2 or 3 on each side, don’t create your own line. People are waiting in that line for a reason. Asshole.
  2. Treat it like an express checkout. You have too many items, get your ass to a regular checkout. People are using the self checkout to speed themselves on their way, and that is the f’ing point. Don’t be an asshole.
  3. Don’t walk right up behind the person using the self checkout. Give the person a little space. You’ll still get there.  They would like a little bit of privacy when putting their pin # in. Pretend there is a “wait here till customer is done” line about 4 feet back. Fuckwad. (this applies when you are in a regular line, too.
  4. Scan your stuff. Don’t take your sweetass time. If an item is giving your trouble, call the employee who is there to help you out over.
  5. Don’t send the person there with you to get some other item. No no no! Finish with what you have, then get your shitheel ass back in line.
  6. If you have a cart, you probably have too many things. Not always. But, think about it.
  7. If you have 15-20 items, and someone only has one or two, consider letting them go first.

Simple.

Seriously, I have seen it almost come to blows a few times at the WalMart and Kroger I tend to go to because people do not follow the rules. I saw someone get arrested because of not following the rules one time, it got so heated. I’ve called a few out for trying to create their own line, and they were like “huh?” No, the rest of us are just standing here for the hell of it, bub/lady.

And for those at gas stations, don’t be afraid. Put your card in, take it out quick. Watch the screen. Pick your gas, pump, watch the screen. PUT GAS CAP BACK ON and close the cover.

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