Saturday Demajoke

You might be a Democrat if

  • You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
  • You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
  • You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
  • You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
  • You know at least one Vegan.
  • You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
  • You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
  • You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
  • You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
  • You think "how is your right to an abortion affected" with every Bill passed
  • You have a "No Blood For Oil" sticker on your SUV
  • You complain about energy prices, but do not want windmills in your favorite sailing area
  • You paid for Times Select
  • You actually understand Al Franken
  • You call Randi Roades a goddess, then turn to Hannity

In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing.

He was cruising along the campground in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales/Bush Lied" T-shirt and a tree-hugger hat, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up.

One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear’s chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope.", another replied, "He’s in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God’s wisdom but he sure doesn’t know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to town and snatch us another one?"

Miami Herald, June 30, 2035: Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

NY Times, October 21, 2035: Baby conceived naturally…. Scientists stumped.

Give a man a fish & he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish & he’ll eat for a lifetime.
(Conservative point of view)

Tax a man for fishing.
Use his fish to feed your constituency.
Regulate fishing in such a way that he can no longer make a profit fishing & goes out of business.
Give him a fish so he can eat.
Then, give him a tax return as if you had taxed him for the fish you gave him.
Then, raise his taxes because he has more fish now.
Subsidize the failing fishing industry.
Raise taxes to pay for subsidizing the failing fishing industry.
Pass a law creating more fish.
Fund a three year study to find out whether fishing causes global warming.
Give some of his fish to illegal aliens.
What the hell, they’re voting now too right?
Pump money into a failed education system for socialization programs, so his children will feel good about themselves and others whether they have fish or not, yet be so illiterate that they will believe this system to be optimal.
(Liberal point of view)

Give a man a fish & he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish & he’ll spend the day in boat drinking beer.
(My point of view)

Th th th that's all, Folks!

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2 Responses to “Saturday Demajoke”

  1. Stacy says:

    ((Slapping knee))

    Actually I read somewhere that 60%(????) of hybrid owners also own an SUV.

  2. More then likely. Democrats believe that raising fuel standards and lowering emmissions is always for someone else.

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