The Penis Post

No, this isn’t about John Kerry. Nor Kennedy, Reid, Dean, etc. There is actually alot of news about male members out there.

Gotta hurt: A North Shore man who suffered a fractured penis while making love with his girlfriend cannot sue her for recklessness because the couple were engaged in consensual sex, the state Appeals Court ruled yesterday.

Can you imagine carrying it around? Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith returned to the practice field Monday and declined to speak publicly about his embarrassing run-in with airport officials that was reported last week.

The news broke on Wednesday that Smith was caught at the Twin Cities airport on April 21 with an elaborate contraption designed to beat drug tests.

A search of a bag Smith was carrying turned up several vials of dried urine and a device called "The Original Whizzinator," which includes a fake penis, bladder and athletic supporter. An NFL spokesman said using the device during a drug test would be a violation of league drug policies, but it still is not clear whether there are penalties for possessing one outside of a testing situation.

A talking penis: The creator of a late night public access cable TV show that featured an allegedly comic ‘talking’ penis is to go to the Michigan Supreme Court after he lost an appeal against a conviction for indecent exposure.

Sigh. I’m not even going to mention the Michael Jackson case. Hey, did you know that men can have paraffin injected into their tallywacker? It’s supposed to increase the girth, but I think it is just an attempt to create a false fire down below.

paraffin, white, more-or-less translucent, odorless, tasteless, waxy solid. It melts between 47°C and 65°C and is insoluble in water but soluble in ether, benzene, and certain esters. Paraffin is unaffected by most common chemical reagents but burns readily in air. Obtained from petroleum during refining, it is used in candles, for coating paper, and for various other purposes.

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14 Responses to “The Penis Post”

  1. DC says:

    They ought to bring the Talking Talley to D.C. for some filibuster time. Would fit right in with Byrd, Reid, Schumer, Kennedy, et al.

    The horrah of the NFL player caught with the “whizzinator” is just unbearable. LOL.

  2. Steve says:

    I wonder if the Talking Penis will have to testify in court?

  3. DC says:


    I think the T.P. just drinks like crazy … and then when he is questioned at the trial, he just “pees the fifth.”

  4. the Pirate says:

    You missed the real-life happenings of a Family Guy joke involving Vincent Van Gogh cutting off body parts to show his love. This guy really did it. Ouch.

  5. ACLU Defends Talking Penis

    I know what you are thinking…and no…it was not one of their own lawyers.

    “Backed by the American Civil Liberties Union, the show’s producer & host Timothy Huffman had argued that the three minute “Dick Smart” show segment, aired only twice o…

  6. jess @ LOSLI says:

    Pirate’s Cove Penis Post proves Professor-Teach Priceless.

  7. moehawk says:

    so if a guy has paraffin injected, does he get a waxy instead of a woody?

    just wonderin’

  8. JulieB says:

    (oh no! A joke from DC!)
    My EX brother in law has an 8 foot inflatible penis he puts out in his front yard on Halloween. Mind you I’ve only seen pictures of this, in Humbolt County, CA there’s nothing illegal about it. Of course, not much is illegal in Humboldt County . . .

    Girl question…. how can you “fracture” a penis?

  9. JulieB says:

    And I think the paraffin thing is pretty funny. No, really, it really ISN’T what you’ve got, but how you use it. Really. Trust me, here.

  10. sadie says:

    Dang. Can you believe this post actually surprised me? Usually, this blog is so….normal;-)

  11. Janette says:

    I’m speechless . . . really. If your post didn’t scare me JulieB’s comment did.

  12. It started with something I heard on the news about the “fractured penis,” then went from there.

    And “normal?” I feel a Boxer or Pelosi photoshop coming on 🙂

  13. Patty-Jo says:

    JulieB, I heard about it happening to animals, and thought it was a myth. Someone said they knew someone who had a cane made from a broken horse penis. This is going to require more research I think.

  14. Bonfire of the Vanities #99

    Dedicated to the Inner Dork we try so hard to hide…


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