No, the article wasn’t written by Sheryl “One Sheet” Crow, but our favorite Greenie Pig, who also learned not that long ago that living the “carbon neutral” lifestyle was hard work, really sucked, and generally failed. But, she has some other ideas on how to regulate your bathroom functions
(Grist) You guys, I just can’t use a pee rag.
Yes, I love the trees. No, I don’t want to waste paper. Yes, I want to green up my life, bathroom habits included. But the conventional go-wipe-flush routine has served me well since toilet training, and I’ve gotta say, switching to an old strip of cloth in lieu of toilet paper isn’t an easy transition. Today’s hardcore greenies have dreamed up plenty of other TP alternatives, but you know, none of those look so great, either.
I know I’ve pledged to try out green lifestyle practices, but when an editor suggested the ol’ pee rag, I hit a serious brick wall. Still, while researching the many other low-waste bathroom habits I could be adopting instead, it struck me that perhaps these TP tricks fall into a natural progression. One can’t be expected to go from 0 to 60 immediately. Better to identify your comfortable cruising speed first, then gradually amp it up, step by step.
Seriously, a “pee rag”? What the hell is the matter with these people? Oh, right. They’re Warmists. Synonym is “bat shit crazy”.
Anyhow, Greenie Pig has some ideas to help out with your biological functions, which includes buying recycled and rationing TP (all in all, not bad ideas, both from a real environmental standpoint and from a “don’t clog your toilet up” standpoint). Then we get
- Pee in the shower (Most guys do this now and then, but, we don’t make it a habit)
- DIY toilet paper (like old phone books and stuff)
- Eat more fiber – Because it, uh, firms things up, thereby reducing the need to wipe … You know what? Nevermind. (yeah, nevermind)
- Bidets and wannabe bidets (um, doesn’t that then waste water?)
- Peeing in a bucket (live like it’s 1499. As someone who’s had to do this while in the hospital for a week at a time with a broken ankle and a broken leg, it’s not particularly fun.)
- Hand and water (I don’t think you want to read how this works over at the article. But, hey, some people pay….stopping here)
- Leaves (hey, neighbor, what ya doing? Gathering leaves for toilet paper. Well, yeah, you have fun, and please don’t go out in public)
Don’t forget, these people are the base of the Democrat Party. Anyhow, Warmists, that’s how you save Gaia. So, get cracking!
