Warmists Suggest Peeing In The Shower To Save Gaia

No, the article wasn’t written by Sheryl “One Sheet” Crow, but our favorite Greenie Pig, who also learned not that long ago that living the “carbon neutral” lifestyle was hard work, really sucked, and generally failed. But, she has some other ideas on how to regulate your bathroom functions

(Grist) You guys, I just can’t use a pee rag.

Yes, I love the trees. No, I don’t want to waste paper. Yes, I want to green up my life, bathroom habits included. But the conventional go-wipe-flush routine has served me well since toilet training, and I’ve gotta say, switching to an old strip of cloth in lieu of toilet paper isn’t an easy transition. Today’s hardcore greenies have dreamed up plenty of other TP alternatives, but you know, none of those look so great, either.

I know I’ve pledged to try out green lifestyle practices, but when an editor suggested the ol’ pee rag, I hit a serious brick wall. Still, while researching the many other low-waste bathroom habits I could be adopting instead, it struck me that perhaps these TP tricks fall into a natural progression. One can’t be expected to go from 0 to 60 immediately. Better to identify your comfortable cruising speed first, then gradually amp it up, step by step.

Seriously, a “pee rag”? What the hell is the matter with these people? Oh, right. They’re Warmists. Synonym is “bat shit crazy”.

Anyhow, Greenie Pig has some ideas to help out with your biological functions, which includes buying recycled and rationing TP (all in all, not bad ideas, both from a real environmental standpoint and from a “don’t clog your toilet up” standpoint). Then we get

  • Pee in the shower (Most guys do this now and then, but, we don’t make it a habit)
  • DIY toilet paper (like old phone books and stuff)
  • Eat more fiber – Because it, uh, firms things up, thereby reducing the need to wipe … You know what? Nevermind. (yeah, nevermind)
  • Bidets and wannabe bidets (um, doesn’t that then waste water?)
  • Peeing in a bucket (live like it’s 1499. As someone who’s had to do this while in the hospital for a week at a time with a broken ankle and a broken leg, it’s not particularly fun.)
  • Hand and water (I don’t think you want to read how this works over at the article. But, hey, some people pay….stopping here)
  • Leaves (hey, neighbor, what ya doing? Gathering leaves for toilet paper. Well, yeah, you have fun, and please don’t go out in public)

Don’t forget, these people are the base of the Democrat Party. Anyhow, Warmists, that’s how you save Gaia. So, get cracking!

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7 Responses to “Warmists Suggest Peeing In The Shower To Save Gaia”

  1. Zeke says:

    In lieu of toilet paper, poison ivy works pretty well if you are a leftist tree-hugger.
    Or you could just have it sewn shut.

  2. The Watcher says:

    Next thing you know, they’ll be demanding we all go ancient-Rome – use a sponge on a stick and pee in a pail so we can use the urine to whiten our clothing.

    Wait…they probably already do that.

    And Zeke? If they sewed themselves shut, eventually they’d fill up and explode. Which isn’t such a bad idea, except they’d probably blow up in a public place and cover everybody with …okay, I’ll stop there.

  3. W. C. Taqiyya says:

    No, no, NO! If you want to save water, just get more water by doing a rain dance. Take off clothes, wet self from head to foot, dance in circles flinging hair so water drops spray around. Wave arms and chant. Rinse under hose and repeat. Get comely spouse to join you. Film. Share on interweb. Recruit neighbors, rinse and repeat until it rains or mud wrestling commences. Mud wrestling makes the earth happy. Guaranteed to work better than any meteorologist.

    To save toilet paper, visit municipal building, borrow police chief’s paper. Visit library, borrow theirs. Visit Dunkin Donuts, same thing. Problem solved and you saved paper from being wasted and abused by reckless earth deniers.

    What else? Rinse and repeat. Take bow.

  4. Gumball_Brains says:

    Hey Watcher.. they are doing that it seems in China… and using it to cook in. ick.

    ok. seriously.. pee-rag? Wouldn’t that mean you have to store them somewhere .. and then wash them?

    You know Teach, they’ve probably already figured out the best native way of doing without TP at the Occupy camps. They are the bastions of impressive inventions.

  5. Dana says:

    Our esteemed host concluded:

    So, get cracking!

    This wins the worst pun if the day award!

  6. Dana says:

    Of course, if a lady is all that serious about saving Gaia by going to a pee-rag, perhaps she ought to consider all of her other environmentally-unfriendly bathroom acts. Does she shave her legs and pits? Well, just how much extra water does it take to wash the hair down through the sewer system? Does she use make-up? How much water does that take to remove, and what unnecessary cleansing chemicals is she sending down the drain? Is she blow-drying her hair? Think of the additional soot and CO2 being belched into the atmosphere to power that thing!

  7. Gumball_Brains says:

    Hey King Dana… don’t forget the huge amount of petroleum used to develop and create those cosmetics and beauty supplies.

    As Teach points out, if liberals were really interested in reducing oil usage and the amount of “foreign” oil (why bash canada and mexico??), they would stop driving, sell their cars, stop using beauty-care products, and stick with rubbing mint leaves all over themselves.

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