The Bird Feeder

In the email:


I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, I reflected as I filled it lovingly with seed. First came the chickadees and then within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table. Everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

Other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be: quiet and serene.

Now let’s see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly, our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; and you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor. Your child’s 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.

Corn flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.


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3 Responses to “The Bird Feeder”

  1. david7134 says:

    Then the birds took your house, money, car and every thing that you had worked for and threw you out of the yard.

  2. Jeffery says:

    I have several bird feeders here in the good ol’ Midwest and haven’t had the sort of problems you described.

    Occasionally a red-tailed hawk swoops in and scatters the song birds. Now and then a band of European starlings gets a bit greedy but brave mockingbirds and blue jays run them off.

    By far, the biggest problem are the fat and lazy resident squirrels who connive to take the food intended for the birds. I understand they lived here before the songbirds but that doesn’t give them the right to take advantage of the birds. The self-satisfied squirrels sit around like it’s a tea party or something. My sons and I shoot them with air rifles and enjoy a nice stew.

  3. JGlanton says:

    I got a bird feeder and it is nice to have the bird songs and colors and behaviors. I even got quails coming in to the yard. But then the hawks came and killed the fat doves and quail. I realized that I was initiating a food chain. Now I let the feeders go empty for a couple days and it seems to keep the hawks from making it a habit.

    Yeah, there’s some poop. They perch on my telescope and poop all over it’s cover. The cliff swallows nest in the eaves and poop on the walkways. They produce a lot of guano.

    On the plus side, it makes my wife happy to see the birds and it contributes to the economy and jobs because I’m buying seed and food and feeders at a local store.

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