Top 10 Elf Pet Peeves

An old Letterman Top 10 List

10. After too much eggnog, Mrs. Claus is "all hands."

9. Ever since they hit the big time, those damn Keebler Elves act like we don’t exist.

8. Santa keeps asking, "Does this suit make me look fat?"

7. That idiot Blitzen always mistaking you for a chew toy.

6. You’re enjoying the Jacuzzi, and Santa gets in naked.

5. Now have to work through coffee breaks thanks to the McCaughey septuplets.

4. It’s at least a thousand miles from North Pole to nearest strip club.

3. Next to "race" on the census forms, there’s never a box marked "elf."

2. Hookers who laugh when you take your pants off.

1. Health plan doesn’t cover sleigh rash.

Don’t know about you, but, in this Holiday Season, with Christmas fast approaching, I am a bit tired of the same old Rhetoric of Condemnation. Not really blogapathy, more like a feeling of just telling everyone to shut the f*ck up (nicely, though) about nasty politics, be nice to people, talk civilly, and work together.

And, look, it is the holiday season. It has been for hundreds of years. It originally covered Christmas and the New Year. Then they added Hanukkah, and now Kwanzaa. The problem is that some say Happy Holidays as a measure to try and deny Christmas, now. You have the ACLU trying to do away with all Christmas icons and writings in public. Sales companies calling them "holiday trees." So many people do not want to offend others, in order to make money. Meanwhile, they piss off people who like to say "Merry Christmas."

For me, I usually do not say Merry Christmas till about this time, within two weeks of Christmas. And, I will say Happy Holidays, depending on the situation. I won’t say "Season’s Greetings." Saying that is idiotic. You can write it, but not say it.

Remember, not everything is a War on Christmas. Reserve your ire for those who truly do want to do away with everything that is part of Christmas, and show charity for those who are just being honest and do not mean anything against Christmas.

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5 Responses to “Top 10 Elf Pet Peeves”

  1. Raging Bee says:

    How, exactly, is “the ACLU trying to do away with all Christmas icons and writings in public?” Care to name some specific incidents or court filings?

    And what, exactly, is wrong with people trying not to offend others in order to make more money? I thought conservatives were in favor of that sort of thing.

    And how does acknowledging other people’s holidays constitute “denying” one’s own? I’m a Pagan, but I can say “Merry Christmas” to my Christian relatives without “denying” my own observance of Yule or Saturnalia.

  2. 1. As far as the ACLU is concerned, you haven’t been paying attention. Go look up their constant lawsuits and threats to make sure that anything religious is not displayed on public property. Heck, start with

    2. Nothing wrong with not offending people, but, it quite often goes to far, to the point that one is not even sure if the company understands what the season is about.

    3. I don’t think I said that. If you read that into what I wrote, nope.

    But, to answer anyhow, there is nothing wrong with observing other people’s religions. I believe that the people who originally came to this land would approve of it. But do not attempt to deny Christmas from me. Which is what is happening.

  3. Raging Bee says:

    Oh please — the ACLU is not “denying Christmas from you.” Neither is a retail drone saying “happy holidays.” Can’t you remember, and celebrate, your holidays without constant reinforcement from the state?

    And why does a corporation have to “understand” what you think a holiday is about? Not all Christians agree on the meaning of Christmas, so why should Target have to get it right? And why should you care if Target gets it right? What, in your mind, would serve as proof that they “got it right?”

    And you still haven’t listed a single one of the ACLU’s “constant lawsuits and threats.” (Since you’re the one making the rather inflammatory allegation, isn’t it your job to list the specifics, at least enough to show a pattern, rather than tell the rest of us to “look it up?”)

    PS: Before you trash the ACLU, please note that they also file lawsuits to protect the rights of Christians to speak freely. See the following articles:

  4. JulieB says:

    I’m with you, Teach. I have to say that if someone says “Merry Christmas” to me, I’m not offended -they are just wishing me well. Altho I’m Jewish, I just smile and say “and the same to you”. I think everyone could be a little more inclusive by just accepting the *intention* of what someone is saying. They aren’t trying to convert me, they are just being nice!

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