The Blame Game

By William Teach April 16, 2005 – 8:27 am

First, we had Barry Bonds blaming the media for his steroids related problems. Now, Terrell Owens does something similar:

Owens blames the media for fueling the controversy over his decision to fire longtime agent David Joseph and replace him with Drew Rosenhaus, who met with Eagles president Joe Banner last week.

"Again I find my words being misinterpreted by the media, therefore at this time I have decided to refrain from discussing the recent series of events surrounding my contract with the Philadelphia Eagles," Owens said.

Let’s play.

The Ebb and Flow Institute has released their second study into the nature of pudding and how it relates to blogging. Some bloggers did not reply. T.O. blames the media for the lack of response. I blame the evil influence of jello.

Jeremy at American Warmonger has changed his domain to a mu.nu one, having moved from Blogger, due to all the problems at Blogger (also ’cause he was invited). T.O. blames the media for this forced move. (he also hit 20K hits: Congratulations!!!!!)

Little Miss Attila is not losing weight. T.O. blames the media for this, as well as for her not playing the book meme game. If she had mumble mumble mumble.

Julie With a B is otterly punny. T.O. blames the media for this otter travesty.

Ogre is no longer able to sit in his chair. T.O. blames the media for cat dominancy.

Oystersnout will not post out of respect. T.O. blames the media for the Giants winning in their pink uniforms.

OK, I’m outa time, gotta run to a meeting. Anyone else want to play the blame game? I would have linked this to Basil’s breakfast or brunch, but he hasn’t woken up yet. T.O. blames the media.

More: Tom discusses the other other white meat (yes, other was supposed to be typed 2x. You’ll see why). T.O. blames the media and Al Gore for what Tom is doing on the ‘Net.

Tish describes the three levels of stink (h/t GmRoper). T.O. blames the media for this malodorous development.

GMRoper gives 40 reasons why men are just happier. T.O. blames the media, readers don’t blame GM.

Read: The Blame Game »

Posted in Musings | 13 Comments | Trackback URL

Yar, it be in pirate, yar

By William Teach April 15, 2005 – 9:17 pm

Via Jody at Steal the Bandwagon:

OAK RIDGE, Tenn. — Sam Brobst took a "Learning Your Spiritual Gift" course at Full Life Center, a charismatic church, and felt the Lord leading him to prophesy during meetings. But when Brobst opened his mouth the first time, he and others were surprised by what came out: pirate speak.
    "We were in the middle of worship, when this voice rings out, ‘Yar! Hear the word of the Lord — the Lord of the mighty seas!’" says one witness. "It was straight out of a Disneyland ride."
    Brobst says he can’t help it: when the Spirit moves upon him, he clamps one eye shut and his voice becomes gravelly and menacing. On a recent Sunday, he prophesied, "Avast ye, mateys! Hear the word from our Cap’n: No fear have ye of storms and scallywags, says ye? Argh! But I be seein’ your true hearts. For I see below quarterdecks, says I. Ye be tremblin’ in the face of scurvy dogs. But pay them no heed. For I be preparin’ to pour down plenty o’ booty upon ye. So be of cheer, me hearties! Ye be loved of the Cap’n."
    The people of the church by now are accustomed to it, though first-time visitors often giggle.
    "It doesn’t even sound like pirate to me anymore," says one regular attendee. "My mind translates it."
    Others say it’s preferable to past prophetic styles they have witnessed.
    "One woman would wail her prophecies," says longtime member Darlene Bright. "Another man would thunder in a deep voice like he was trying to impress us. All in all, I prefer pirate."

I love this. Thanks, Jody!

Also, speaking of pirates, go here.

Read: Yar, it be in pirate, yar »

Posted in Pyratical Silliness | 2 Comments | Trackback URL

An Ode To Work

By William Teach April 15, 2005 – 8:46 pm

Image hosting by Photobucket

Read: An Ode To Work »

Posted in Humor | Comments Off on An Ode To Work | Trackback URL

Why did the chicken cross the road?

By William Teach April 15, 2005 – 10:19 am

The age old question. Well, I have the answer:

VALLEJO, Calif. — A big-rig truck carrying nearly 5,000 chickens to a Petaluma processing plant caused a major "fowl up" early Monday morning after it overturned on a state highway, disrupting traffic for nearly five hours.

Officer M. Williford of the California Highway Patrol said the truck overturned on westbound Highway 37 near Marine World after crashing into the center divider. The accident happened shortly after 3:00 a.m., and the highway was not fully reopened until 8:00 a.m.

"Speaking from experience with a prior chicken-related incident, it takes awhile to clean up," Williford explained, saying much of the cleanup involved chasing and capturing all the birds.

"A lot of them want to make a run for it," he said.

Wait, it gets better.

Read More »

Read: Why did the chicken cross the road? »

Posted in Pyratical Silliness | 5 Comments | Trackback URL

Mary Mapes with a Vengence

By William Teach April 15, 2005 – 8:50 am

cBS News and those associated with it are going to have a wee bit of a problem come November. She is going to be releasing a "tell all" book, and she probably knows where the bodies are buried for the fake Guard story.

Mapes received a mid-six-figure advance from St. Martin’s Press for "The Other Side of the Story," her memoir of the controversy that knocked Dan Rather out of the anchor chair and ended four other careers at CBS News.

According to Mapes’ eye-popping book proposal, which I obtained yesterday, she’ll rely on extensive notes and transcripts of her appearances before the Viacom-ordered investigative panel to embarrass and bludgeon her former bosses and others, including:

  • CBS President and Viacom Co-President Les Moonves, the husband of "Early Show" co-host Julie Chen: "Moonves demonstrated what has been joked about for years: that everything he knows about journalism has been sexually transmitted."
  • CBS News President Andrew Heyward: "The architect of the cruel game. … [When CBS News execs Betsy West and Josh Howard nearly caused Mapes to miss her deadline by injecting themselves in the notorious Guard story], they were there because Andrew didn’t want to be. Then, if something went wrong, he could blame them." Later, Mapes claims in the proposal, Heyward visited the White House and "reportedly promised a high-ranking Bush adviser that the network would ‘do better.’"
  • Of the top players, only Rather – "my friend and colleague" – gets a valentine in Mapes’ outline. She recalls "Dan’s constant loyalty and phone calls when I was at my lowest points," and attributes his departure from the "Evening News" to Viacom’s eagerness to fix its Janet Jackson and Howard Stern problems with the FCC and "settle its differences with an angry and vindictive [Bush] administration."

Yesterday Heyward, who was said by a knowledgeable CBS source to be "scared s-less" by what Mapes’ book might contain, told me: "I haven’t seen the book proposal, and I have no comment on it. I don’t want to read the proposal – or the book."

Looks like she is giving Dan a pass. If I was a conspiracy theory kind of guy, I might think that there is something going on there, considering she was the fall guy for the fiasco. Oh, well, just have to wait and see.

Read: Mary Mapes with a Vengence »

Posted in New World Happenings | 1 Comment | Trackback URL

The Penguins are Back

By William Teach April 14, 2005 – 9:08 pm

Image hosting by Photobucket Seems as if the gay penguins are back in the news.

“PENGUINS which zoo keepers believed were gay have picked up four females from another zoo for breeding.

Six endangered Humboldt penguin pairs had tests when they failed to breed – and were found to be male.

Now they have turned their attentions to the females flown in from Kolmarden Zoo in Sweden.

Jeike Kueck of Bremerhaven Zoo, Germany, said: “They may find love with a Swedish female but we’re leaving them to it. They may even be bi-sexual.”

Read: The Penguins are Back »

Posted in Humor | 4 Comments | Trackback URL

10K Nabbed: will the DU seethe?

By William Teach April 14, 2005 – 5:06 pm

Via CNN:

More than 10,000 fugitives from justice have been captured in a nationwide, weeklong dragnet involving federal, state and local authorities, said the U.S. Marshals Service, which led the effort.

Operation FALCON lasted from April 4 – 10 and marks the largest number of arrests ever recorded during a single operation.

Well, that is simply wonderful. All sorts of bad people were arrested, including murderers, rapists, gang bangers, and armed robbers, among others. The problem? This was pushed by US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. I am sure that many of the Far Left will find a way to criticize not only Gonzales but President Bush as well. I cannot wait to get home this evening and see how.

They will certainly take issue with:

Officials acknowledge the decision to provide such a massive show of force at one time was expected to prompt publicity and help highlight the mission.

Part of that mission was to say to the victims that they do matter, and have not been forgotten. Anyone want to bet that this will be spun into condemnation of Bush and Gonzales?

Update: yup, looks like they will.

Read More »

Read: 10K Nabbed: will the DU seethe? »

Posted in New World Happenings | 3 Comments | Trackback URL

DC answers the Book meme

By William Teach April 14, 2005 – 12:51 pm

Daisy Cutter has done the Book Meme. Go here to see what he has to say. (trackback will come later: Haloscan doesn’t work at work)

Of course, looks like the Ecosphere did not run last night, so a TB might not matter.

Read More »

Read: DC answers the Book meme »

Posted in Meme-arama | 1 Comment | Trackback URL

Sgrena is Back

By William Teach April 14, 2005 – 8:37 am

and cBS seems to be buying her BS. In an article entitled "Italian Journalist: U.S. Lied", they reiterate many of Sgrena’s talking points, and, forgive me if I am wrong, look to paint the United States as the bad guy. Does cBS realize that the USA is their home country? Apparently not.

In a long, rambling discourse, Sgrena and cBS seem to lay the blame at the feet of the US military, and by extension, the feet of the President. This should make the Far Left happy. She adds a new wrinkle lie to the story:

Sgrena told 60 Minutes Wednesday that at one point, her driver was on the phone updating their progress to Italian and American officers at the airport.

That’s a new one. Hadn’t heard or read that before. The old saying about it being hard to keep one’s lies straight comes to mind.

There is no transcript of the interview, however there is a video of it at the link. I have also emailed cBS for a copy. We will see if they will oblige. Furthermore, cBS has a "related story" from back on March 11 entitled "Reports Blame US in Agents Death." Anything to be anti-US, eh cBS?

The official Army report should be released this week after a real investigation, not a psuedo-one as done by the press, and we will see what it says.

Dr S. at the Jawa Report has more. Particularly regarding Sgrena’s ever changing story. Me, I’m to lazy to point to my archives, and Rusty has a longer history with the story.

Update: Steve at Secure Liberty is back, and has the 411 on the preliminary report on the incident. Looks like the report will absolve our troops of wrong doing, to the detriment of the moonbats, I’m sure.

Read: Sgrena is Back »

Posted in War On Terrorism | 2 Comments | Trackback URL

Leave your lighter

By William Teach April 14, 2005 – 7:46 am

Beginning today, flyers are no longer allowed to bring lighters on board airline flights into the passenger compartment. Lighters have already been banned for over 30 years from the cargo area, ie, none in your checked baggage.

This has already been announced 45 days ago, so people do not have much recourse to b*tch and moan. You know they will, though. Leave the lighter at home, leave it in the car. Give it to someone coming off the plane. Perhaps the TSA could start a lighter exchange program at the exit security gate for those that are jonesing for a smoke.

Matches are still allowed on flights, except for self striking ones. One issue is what about those coming from overseas? What if they are say, flying into Newark and then catching a connecting flight to elsewhere? They will not be going through security checkpoints here, and whether security overseas will stop them is questionable.

For those who think it is a dumb idea, consider that shoebomber Richard Reid might have been able to light that bomb had he had a lighter. Also, do you really need one on a plane? Smokers, bring a pack of matches, you’ll survive. Maybe.

Read: Leave your lighter »

Posted in War On Terrorism | 5 Comments | Trackback URL
Pirate's Cove