Who’s Up For Carbon Neutral Underwear?

It’s totally rewriting the American underwear story

I Tried the World’s First Carbon Neutral Seamless Underwear — and I Already Want More

I stumbled upon underwear brand Parade about a year ago after seeing the brand’s impossibly cool Instagram ads. Upon further investigation, I fell in love with the mission, which is to “rewrite the American underwear story” with styles that are comfortable, size-inclusive, and as socially and environmentally conscious as possible.

I adore every pair of Parade undies I own, but the brand’s new Universal seamless collection is what truly changed the game for me. I can comfortably say I’ve never felt so strongly about undergarments.

Universal is Parade’s first foray into the world of edgeless, line-free underwear, with a robust collection of thongs, full-coverage hip huggers, briefs, and boyshorts. They’re all made from the same innovative fabric, composed of 80 percent recycled nylon and 20 percent elastane. The underwear has a buttery texture unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and each pair is topped off with organic cotton lining for maximum breathability.

Wait, nylon? They do realize nylon is made with petroleum, right? Fossil fuels. There’s a good chance that the elastane is made from petroleum, as well.

Beyond the combination of comfort and style, Universal breaks ground in the sustainability department. Parade balances emissions from producing the collection with carbon offsets, which take the form of investments in May Ranch, a Colorado prairie home to over 300 bird species. And as always, the brand continues to donate one percent of profits to Planned Parenthood.

So, they are not really being carbon neutral in their operations, they’re just purchasing “offsets” to cover up their climate killing operations. How are they delivered? Fossil fueled vehicles and airplanes, right?

Oh, and pretty much most of the models look exactly like you’d think a climate cultist leftist would look like.

But, kudos to them for coming up with a product and company that caters to Warmists, taking advantage of their climaidiocy. I hope they’re making a bundle off the little Modern Socialists.

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5 Responses to “Who’s Up For Carbon Neutral Underwear?”

  1. Professor hale says:

    Carbon offsets = making customers pay more for the product by passing along fictional costs.

    Virtue signalers should pay for their virtue themselves.

  2. Jl says:

    I hear John already signed up for his carbon neutral underwear…

  3. Dana says:

    If you happen to have a release of nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane and sulfur in gaseous form whilst wearing your carbon neutral underwear? Does this new underwear restrain the CO2 and methane, to keep additional greenhouse gases from being released into the atmosphere, killing Mother Gaia?

  4. Conservative Beaner says:

    The same idiots who think electric vehicles are carbon neutral are the same ones who believe this idiocy.

  5. skybill says:

    You want “CARBON NEUTRAL” underwear???
    “GO COMMANDO!!!!!!!!”
    Like Me!! since my Vietnam daze of 1968!!!

    NOBODY likes “Soggy Shorts!!”
    Ask yer’ girlfriend about when “Her Friend” is in town!!

    As the late Frank Gallop would say in his throaty, baritone voice,

    Blue skyz,
    Black death!!!,


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