Doom Today: Your Favorite Ice Cream Flavors Might Go Extinct From Carbon Pollution

Another day, another unhinged prognostication of something that is maybe, possibly, we’re-not-entirely-sure that it will happen but, hey, this ain’t science, so we can say whatever we want to attempt to scare you into compliance and give up your freedom and money

Your favorite ice cream flavors could go extinct in your lifetime

There are many downsides associated with climate change, but for some, the death of some of the most delicious Ben & Jerry’s flavors may feel closest to home.

Yes, in a few decades, according to the popular (and often political) ice cream company’s blog, climate change may lead to the demise of Half Baked, Chubby Hubby, Phish Food and many more.

While some still deny that climate change is an issue, most people realize it’s more serious than ever. The rise in temperatures are predicted to lead to a number of crop shortages, many of which are critical for many Ben & Jerry’s flavors, the company noted.

“We rely on farmers all over the world for our ingredients,” the company wrote, “and when they don’t have the predictable weather patterns needed for farming, that can mean no cocoa, no peanuts, and no Peanut Butter Cup ice cream.”

One has to wonder, how much in the way of energy and fossil fuels is used to produce this ice cream? And what of all the milk from methane polluting cows? Furthermore, when have weather patterns been utterly predictable? Oh, right, we aren’t supposed to ask inconvenient questions as to motivations, actions, and Science.

Anyway, they predict this doom. Heck, nut trees could go extinct from a tiny increase in global temperatures! And cocoa! And vanilla beans! All these plants and trees that have survived multiple warm and cool periods suddenly cannot take it. Or so say people who vastly resemble a cult.

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4 Responses to “Doom Today: Your Favorite Ice Cream Flavors Might Go Extinct From Carbon Pollution”

  1. Dana says:

    Since I like hot fudge sundaes, will I be OK?

  2. o0Nighthawk0o says:

    Um, don’t plants rely on CO2 to survive?

    Haven’t plants been growing better and are healthier and more widespread with this slight elevation in CO2?

  3. drowningpuppies says:

    Fossil fuels are, by their nature, composed of carbon that was in the lifecycle (atmosphere and biosphere) during other eras in which Earth supported life. TL;DR, we’re not creating anything new, we’re just rereleasing stuff that had already been here and got sequestered in a rock formation.

    Restoring atmospheric/biospheric carbon oxides to pre-fossilization levels can not induce a runaway greenhouse effect, since the eras those fossils came from did not have any such thing. The global warming apocalypse is based on an incorrect assumption that we’re introducing something new to a system that can’t handle it, instead of returning something to a system that handled it quite well in the past.

  4. Liam Thomas says:

    What? Your saying matter can be neither created nor destroyed.

    Dayum and here I thought the AGW Environazis were on to something new in Quantum Physics.

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