Bummer: ‘Climate Change’ Could Cause Us To Lose Words

Everybody panic!

6 Words That Could Go Extinct Because of Climate Change

A warming planet has meant that every year since 2001 was the hottest year on record. Climate change will eventually force many populations to migrate and put a quarter of all species at risk of vanishing. But not all of the doomsday scenarios will unfold before our eyes. The subtleties of climate catastrophe are already affecting language around the world. Wherever you call home, the very words coming out of your mouth are in danger of becoming obsolete. Take these six, for example.

Let’s take a look

Leg Basket

Noun: A compartmental structure on the hind legs of certain bees used to harvest and transport pollen.

This is because bees, who have survived through numerous warm and cool periods, are DOOOOOMED!

Lift Line

Noun: The queue of skiers and snowboarders waiting to board a chairlift for a ride up the mountain at a winter resort.

Because snow at lower levels will be a thing of the past.

Icefoot

Noun: An unmoving ribbon of sea ice that attaches to the coast or edge of a glacier.

This never happened before you drove a fossil fueled, vehicle, you bastard!

Scallop Dredge

Noun: A rake/cage/net thingamabob that’s dragged along the bottom of the ocean to collect scallops for consumption.

Scallops are doomed. I blame you.

Hogshead

Noun: A large cask, a unit of measure for a large volume of liquid, usually beer or wine.

Beer and wine is doomed.

Lanthanides

Noun: The series of rare-earth elements used in the production of myriad green and high-tech devices.

Hooray for hybrid cars and renewable energy, right? Yes, but those car batteries, solar cells, and wind turbines (along with iPhones, MRI scans, and 4K TVs) require the expensive extraction of neodymium, dysprosium, and more than a dozen other elements that can unleash radioactive by-products and contaminate the air and water. Companies are looking at substitutes for the very elements we currently rely on for many of the “green” products that ease our carbon-footprint guilt. With rising demand for renewable and high-tech elements, the vast majority of them coming from China, more companies are putting research and development into abundant-metal substitutes for lanthanides.

Wait, what? Let me see if I’m getting this. Because you drove a fossil fueled vehicle and refuse to buy local (you bastard!), you’ve made it so hot, and will make it hotter, so they had to do all this mining to save us with green energy, which is running out. Right? These people are nuts.

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2 Responses to “Bummer: ‘Climate Change’ Could Cause Us To Lose Words”

  1. captainfish says:

    This never happened before you drove a fossil fueled, vehicle, you bastard!

    bwwaahahahahahahahaahhahahahahhahaahhaaaaaahaahhahahahahaaaaaaaa

  2. o0Nighthawk0o says:

    Not the beer and wine!!! Noooooooo!!!!!!

    But wait. Didn’t ole Bill Nye just say that European countries are growing more wine grapes in more areas than ever before? Wouldn’t this apply to hops and barley as well? Seems like AGW would be great for the wine and beer industry.

    These people really need to get their stories straight.

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