What If Occupy Gave A World Wide Demonstration And No One Came?

I was looking through my Instapaper account, searching for an old article on globull warming, and forgot that I saved this UK Guardian article from May 11th, which was a hoot. It’s in the “Comment is free” section (unless you oppose globull warming, then you get banned), written by the “International Raping Women, er, Occupy Movement”

We are living in a world controlled by forces incapable of giving freedom and dignity to the world’s population. A world where we are told “there is no alternative” to the loss of rights gained through the long, hard struggles of our ancestors, and where success is defined in opposition to the most fundamental values of humanity, such as solidarity and mutual support. Moreover, anything that does not promote competitiveness, selfishness and greed is seen as dysfunctional.

I thought those values were freedom and love. Silly me

But we have not remained silent! From Tunisia to Tahrir Square, Madrid to Reykjavik, New York to Brussels, people are rising up to denounce the status quo. Our effort states “enough!”, and has begun to push changes forward, worldwide.

This is why we are uniting once again to make our voices heard all over the world this 12 May.

How’d that work out? Did anyone even notice? Hell, I read the article and meant to write something about it on the 11th or 12th, and forgot about it.

We want another world, and such a world is possible:

1. The economy must be put to the service of people’s welfare, and to support and serve the environment, not private profit. We want a system where labour is appreciated by its social utility, not its financial or commercial profit. Therefore, we demand:

No private profit, eh? Would the Occupiers be willing to give up their money so they can no longer purchase iPods, cell phones, laptops, Tablets, fancy shoes, etc and so on, and give it all to The State? Yeah, I didn’t think so. What they want is Someone Else to give up their profit.

Anyhow, their demands are just what you would expect: free everything, paid for by Someone Else. Free healthcare, housing, education through college, childcare (wait, aren’t kids bad for globull warming?), full paid for retirement, and, gotta love this one

Apart from bread, we want roses. Everyone has the right to enjoy culture, participate in a creative and enriching leisure at the service of the progress of humankind. Therefore, we demand the progressive reduction of working hours, without reducing income.

There is just way to much to fisk in this manifesto by the (mostly ignored) International Poop On Police Cars, er, Occupy Movement. Read it all for amusement.

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3 Responses to “What If Occupy Gave A World Wide Demonstration And No One Came?”

  1. Gumball_Brains says:

    Apart from bread, we want roses.


    So, they demand roses instead of bread?!? Am sure Russia would be very happy with that arrangement seeing how they refuse to hand out bread to everyone in COMMUNAL Russia.

    Are we now going to have ROSE lines?

    So, these weeni-bags eschew private profit, but then demand less work hours and more pay. They demand free this and free that and more free this… along with free roses. But not bread.

    Seems pretty capitalistic to me.

    I’m just not going to buy it.

    No wonder they don’t have a pot to piss in. (have to use cop cars)

  2. Well, they want money, they just don’t want to have to work for it. Someone Else should have to do that.

  3. Oh, BTW, roses are bad for globull warming, because it takes lots of water to raise them.

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