Maybe ask her if she’s made her life carbon neutral? Or to calm down?
How Can I Stop My Wife From Badgering Our Friends About Climate Change?
My wife has become an eco-warrior. She has strong feelings about the environment and other people’s carbon footprints. She challenges our friends repeatedly about their lifestyle choices. I agree with her in principle, but I can’t support her moral outrage. It’s become clear to me that her behavior is off-putting to many people we see. And it’s uncomfortable for me and for them when she raises the same issues repeatedly. She seems to care more about the climate crisis than our relationships. I try to see this issue through my wife’s eyes, so I understand her need to speak up. But it’s so uncomfortable. Help!
Hmm, their lifestyle choices? I’d love some detail about her own choices. I’m betting that the pool of friends has shrunk, that most are always busy, have something going on, so, they do not have time to meet up anymore. Let’s see what the NY Times has to say in response
I am going to assume that you have raised this issue with your wife privately and have not made much headway. (It would be odd to keep quiet about your growing discomfort, and that of your friends, only to broach the subject with me.) Still, I have a suggestion that may be persuasive to your wife: Offer her an alternative that increases the chances of changing people’s behavior.
She probably knows already — but may need to be reminded — that there are few turnoffs more potent than being bullied by moral crusaders. I wouldn’t start there, of course! I would begin by praising her, rightfully, for her commitment to an important issue that receives little practical attention — among my friends and neighbors, anyway. We believe in human-caused climate change, but we are not altering our transportation, diets or energy habits to reduce our carbon footprints.
Damn, I’ve been noting that about the Warmists for 20 years
So, after expressing your solidarity, turn to her presentation. Tell her you’ve seen friends pull back from her when she becomes strident. Remind her that she isn’t likely to shame people into making lasting changes in their behavior. And ask her to consider posing her important question more gently: How can we call something a crisis and still not take steps to ameliorate it? A soft conversation here — with talking and listening on every side — is more likely to change people’s habits than an angry attack is.
Yeah, that doesn’t really help, not with utter zealots, true cult members. He needs to have a clear conversation with her, which won’t go well. A conversation that is probably worse than a spouse trying to set boundaries within a marriage (something like this). How do you get a person dial down their cult? How many Dems are out on social media saying they cut Trump voting family members out of their lives, won’t go to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with them? How do you overcome that?
Our esteemed host began:
You’ve never been married, have you? :)
The Times reader in question has the individual problem of the whole movement writ small. We’ve all, including people like our own Mr Dowd, what the crusaders gluing their hands to the streets, blocking traffic, or defacing works of art thought they were accomplishing by pissing off other people. Andrew Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, needs to be read, and read again, and read again. John T Molloy’s book Dress for Success is another one people ought to read, but, alas! so many would dismiss such seminal works as cooperation with the evils of capitalism.