McCAIN IS ACCUSED OF THEFT!

Apparently still reeling from being caught steeling no less than 12,000 US flags from the Democrats in an overnight raid recently, now authorities are revealing more theft complaints involving McCain and his personal entourage.

As if steeling 12,000 flags and blaming it on local Boy Scouts wasn’t enough, McCain now stands accused of steeling a copy of Gideon’s bible from a hotel in Minneapolis during his stay there for the convention earlier this week.

Hotel employees gave a list of several items missing from the Hotel after McCain stayed there, including the Bible. Other missing items included three cocktail glasses, an ice bucket, several bars of soap, three rolls of toilet paper and those tiny little ketchup and mustard bottles.

Boy Scouts den mothers also expressed their dismay given the recent circumstances surround the wild accusations that somehow Boy Scouts were wandering the Invesco Arena area during the late hours after the DNC Convention and had stumbled upon 12,000 US flags, which they were then alleged to have stolen and having fenced in Minneapolis to the RNC. “I am shocked” said one mother. “Little Jimmy is in by sunset and tucked in by 8:30 every night, including weekends”.

“These Bibles are no longer free to steal” said the Hotel manager anonymously for fear of scurrilous reprisals by Republican fanatics. “It clearly states on the inside cover that you have to send away now for a free copy of the Gideon’s Bible” exclaimed the Hotel manager.

“You can’t just go willy-nilly taking things as if you own the world” the manager added. “I hear he was illegally downloading music off the internet last month to use in his TV commercials to bash the Democrats.”

Apparently McCain has long suffered from a rare disorder called “Hotel Kleptomania” stemming all the way back to his days in the Hanoi Hilton, where staff still insist he would take spoons, which have not been accounted for to this day. McCain still holds a grudge against the Hiltons, recently implicating young Paris Hilton in one of his regular tirades about Barack Obama, his staunch Democratic rival for the presidency.

The Hiltons were not available for comment, but a spokesperson for the Hotel chain said that McCain has been blacklisted from staying at their hotels since the early 70s due to missing items whenever he would stay at one of their hotels.

This is just one more blow to the McCain camp, still reeling from theft accusations including stealing Barack Obama’s political campaign theme and message as well, a message of change and reform. “We knew he had taken the message”, as did several witnesses who spotted McCain, Washington insider and veteran politician for a quarter century, spouting the term change and reform where several members of the American public were gathered.

One witness said he knew McCain had stolen Obama’s message when he heard McCain having tremendous difficulty pronouncing the word “change”. “It sounded so strange coming from Mr. McCain that you could readily see he was unfamiliar with the concept or how to pronounce the word” said one eye witness. A local panhandler handed McCain a dollar, thinking McCain was begging for a hand out. “I just felt sorry for the guy” said the homeless man, he kept saying “change”.

Mr. Obama stated that “This is a sad day for all Americans” and lamented that McCain really had no message or content of his own to use for his campaign. Mr. Obama volunteered to donate his political message and theme to McCain just as soon as he was finished with them, after November 6th.

Democratic supporters feeling bad for poor McCain have started a campaign and are mailing McCain their loose change.